"The Kissing Bridge"
Original Air Date: 10.07.2002
Transcript by Alyssa

Guest Starring:
Lee Garlington
Merrilyn Gann
Cody McMains
Bret Loehr
 

 
[We open with a shot of the old railroad depot with the Everwood sign on it.]

NARRATOR: It may not seem so at first glance, but a lot changes in small towns.

[Shot of old picture of bank.]

NARRATOR: Take for instance, Everwood’s first local bank. It burned down in ’66, and they never rebuilt it.

[Shot of old picture of gas station.]
NARRATOR: Everwood’s first gas station was Sinclair pumping engine. We have a Mobile now, and you pump your own gas.

[Shot of old picture of the train depot.]
NARRATOR: And of course, you all know what happened to the train depot, which brings me to this bridge.

[Shot of old picture of bridge. Then present condition of bridge is shown.]
NARRATOR: Legend has it the bridge was built by a young man and woman who lived on opposite sides of the river, the two fell in love and constructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss. From that day on it was known appropriately enough as the Kissing Bridge. Now if people had just stuck to kissing, Dr. Brown may have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The point is, Everwood’s gone through a whole lot of changes, both inside and out, but the kissing bridge has stood the test of time. Evidence I guess, that some things are built to last, and some things….aren’t. [Shot of biker going over bridge, the bridge breaking, and him falling into the river.]

{Opening credits/commercial break}

[Opening scene in Dr. Brown’s office. The biker who broke through the bridge has a cast on and is talking with Dr. Brown.]

DR. BROWN: How’s that feel Joe?

JOE: You’re not supposed to fall through a bridge.

DR. BROWN: That would point to a design flaw of the structure yes, but you lucked out.

JOE: I fractured my arm in three places. If I was any luckier, I’d be dead.

DR. BROWN: Hey, it was just your arm. I once treated a man whole fell through his own floor. It was a three story Brownstone in Greenwich Village. The wood was rotten and he crashed right through. That guy broke both his arms and suffered multiple cranial contusions. Make you feel any better?

JOE: Much.

[Edna comes in.]

EDNA: Sorry to interrupt, but the Clarks are waiting for you in the next room.

DR. BROWN: Thanks Edna.

[Edna exits.]

DR. BROWN: Avoid using that arm for a couple of days, and uh, to be safe, why don’t you avoid using bridges as well.

JOE: Will do Doc.

DR. BROWN: That’a boy.

[Opens doors of examination room and walks out. Walks into next room.]

DR. BROWN: How you feeling today Susie?

SUSIE: Pretty good.

MRS. CLARK: The antibiotics you prescribed really seem to be doing the trick.

[Dr. Brown looks at papers.]

DR. BROWN: Well, we may have jumped the gun on that prescription Mrs. Clark, which is why I called you in. The lab reports on Susie’s culture came back, and it looks like she doesn’t have strep throat after all.

MRS. CLARK: So it’s just a regular cold?

DR. BROWN: Not Exactly….uhh perhaps Susie and I should talk alone first and then….

MRS. CLARK: Why would you need to do that?

SUSIE: Yeah, I don’t care.

DR. BROWN: Ok then. It looks like you might have contracted an STD, Susie.

MRS. CLARK: A what?

DR. BROWN: A sexually transmitted disease.

SUSIE: But how is that possible? I’ve never even had sex. I’m like a total virgin.

DR. BROWN: Are you sure?

MRS. CLARK: Well of course she’s sure! Good lord what kind of a question is that?

DR. BROWN: Well as her doctor it’s what I have to ask. I don’t mean to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

MRS. CLARK: Well I believe she answered your question. She’s never had sex, she’s a virgin.

DR. BROWN: Well I hate to henpeck Mrs. Clark, but uh, I still have a diagnosis which contends that your daughter had in fact engaged in some sort of sexual activity.

SUSIE: Well, I’ve never done anything that get me pregnant….and that’s what sex is, right mom?

[Mrs. Clark pulls lollipop out of her mouth and takes her out of examination room. Dr. Brown follows them.]

DR. BROWN: Feel free to call me if you have anymore questions.

EDNA: I never would have thought Little Susie Clark had it in her. Always the quiet ones…

DR. BROWN: That’s the second girl I’ve seen this weekend with the same misguided information. Just simply never heard the term safe sex.

EDNA: Most educating these kids get about sex is how to spell it. And some of them can’t even do that right.

DR. BROWN: Any idea what the schools are teaching?

EDNA: I’m not sure…..but whatever they don’t cover, HBO does. Fred Slaughter’s is in the examining room. More bowel trouble.

DR. BROWN: Oh joy.

[Ephram and Wendell walking in school hallway.]

WENDELL: Allrighty, I’ll have it around by 2:00.

EPHRAM: Lemme guess, another one of your dealings in student favor cartel.

WENDELL: That was my mom’s mechanic. You’ll find my reach extends far beyond our high school walls Brown.

EPHRAM: Just out of curiosity Wendell when do you find time for things like oh, I don’t know, homework?

[They walk up to lockers with plants and things hanging on them.]

WENDELL: An abundance of riches!

EPHRAM: Why do you have pieces of nature hanging on your locker?

WENDELL: Are you aware of the fall dance that’s coming up?

EPHRAM: I’ve seen some posters…

WENDELL: See the fall dance is special in that, it’s one of the dances where the girls ask the boys. And the way they ask us is sorta a tradition around here. Once the girls have chosen at item, they tie a ribbon around it, sign their names to it, and place it on your locker as a way of formally inviting you. Check your locker?

EPHRAM: That’s ok, I think I’ll pass.

[Ephram rounds the corner of lockers, then sees his locker, with a plant tied to it. He walks up to it, turns the note around and sees that it’s from Amy. He smiles.]

[Cut to scene in restaurant.]

BRENDA: Well, it’s official, they’re tearing down the Kissing Bridge! Look it even made the front page of the Pinecone.

EDNA: Lemme see that.

BRENDA: They had to push Ms. Cartwright’s wedding announcement to page 3, she’s gonna be pitching a fit I can guarantee it!

EDNA: I’ll be damned.

IRV: Are they really gonna tear it down?

EDNA: Bulldozers are coming in next week.

BRENDA: Well I for one say it’s about time, that thing has just been a safety hazard for years.

EDNA: Your mouth is more of a safety hazard than that bridge and no one’s torn you down….yet.

IRV: You’d think they’d at least try to fix it before they called in a wreaking crew.

EDNA: And laziness is all. Bunch of sluggers run the world. People would rather destroy a historical monument then, then patch a damned hole!

IRV: Are you ok honey?

[Edna leaves the table and exits restaurant.]

BRENDA: I take it she had the chili again.

[Dr. Abbott at outdoor fruit stands. Picks up apple.]

DR. ABBOTT: Yes well I see that you‘re trying to pawn off your Baldwins as Macouns again, Reginald.

DR. BROWN: Tell me that’s not dessert.

DR. ABBOTT: The nightmare continues…

DR. BROWN: I have a modest proposal Doctor.

DR. ABBOTT: You’re donating your body to science to further the medical understanding of the North American dimwit.

DR. BROWN: Close, I suggest on occasion we trade diagnoses of the local yokels.

DR. ABBOTT: For what purpose?

DR. BROWN: Oh on the off chance that we notice a pattern of sickness or disease developing in the community. Sound good? Great, I’ll go first. Treated anyone of gonorrhea of the throat lately? May have come in looking like strep.

DR. ABBOTT: I’m familiar with gonorrhea of the throat.

DR. BROWN: Not personally I hope.

DR. ABBOTT: Listen here, Dr. Cocoa Puffs, if I treated anyone for anything, I wouldn’t tell you about it. There’s this little rule, called Doctor-Patient confidentiality…perhaps you’ve heard of it.

DR. BROWN: Hypothetically, if a few cases of the same STD came into your office…what would you do?

DR. ABBOTT: Bring a doctor I suppose I would…..oh I don’t know, treat them.

DR. BROWN: What if the patients didn’t understand how they got the disease?

DR. ABBOTT: How could they not understand?

DR. BROWN: In their mind, a sexually transmitted disease can only be transmitted via sex. And in their mind, sex is…..

DR. ABBOTT: Intercourse.

DR. BROWN: I want to talk to the parents. Maybe figure out a way to talk to the kids too about this.

DR. ABBOTT: About what?

DR. BROWN: About how to protect themselves! People in this town need to be educated about a few things.

DR. ABBOTT: The people in this town need to be educated about a lot of things, including how to parallel park! Luckily, I’m not here to teach them. Neither are you.

DR. BROWN: Isn’t part of being a doctor teaching people how to avoid getting sick? Especially young people.

DR. ABBOTT: Why are you so interested in this?

DR. BROWN: I have a son who goes to that school and so do you. Don’t you want them to have all the information that we have?

DR. ABBOTT: So give it to them, who’s stopping you?

DR. BROWN: Well what about the other kids?

DR. ABBOTT: Let their parents worry about them. Newsflash! You’re not here to save the world, Dr. Brown. Just to annoy it.

[Dr. Abbot walks into his office, people are coughing.]

NURSE LOUISE: Hi Dr. Abbott, did you have a nice lunch?

DR. ABBOTT: No.

NURSE LOUISE: Oh. Uh, the Tompkins are in your office.

DR. ABBOTT: That’s the wrong file…uh Louise, call my tennis instructor, tell him to change my 5 o’clock to a 6 o’clock. Call Rose tell her I’ll be an hour late coming home, and why is there no coffee in the coffee pot?

NURSE LOUISE: We ran out of coffee.

DR. ABBOTT: And you forgot where the market is?

[Nurse Louise grabs her jacket and exits, Dr. Abbott enters examination room.]

DR. ABBOTT: Well Francine, your culture came back, and as I suspected you h….. you do not have strep throat.

[Cut to scene in library. Ephram walking towards Amy with the plant that was on his locker.]

AMY: Hey Ephram, what’s up?

EPHRAM: Uh nothing, I just wanted to ask you…

KAYLA: FYI, only the girls are supposed to give the pinecones.

EPHRAM: I’m aware of that Kayla. Somebody left this for me on my locker.

AMY: Who?

[Ephram looks hurt, Bright and his friends are laughing.]

EPHRAM: Oh.

AMY: You didn’t think that I…..

EPHRAM: No no no, I was just confirming…

EPHRAM: I guess I overestimated you dude, I thought you’d at least come up with a new way of messing with me.

[Walks out of library, Amy grabs her book bag any follows him out looking angry.]

BRIGHT: (Says while Ephram and Amy walk out) Oh why bother dude, if he falls for the same joke!? [Laughs]

[Ephram walking really fast, Amy catches up to him.]

AMY: I wanna apologize for my brother, I mean, I know he’s a jerk sometimes….

EPHRAM: Yeah, try all the time.

AMY: If it makes you feel any better Ephram, I didn’t ask you to the dance cuz I’m not going with anyone, I’m not even going myself!

EPHRAM: Fine, whatever.

AMY: It would just be weird. Last year I ask Colin and…..

EPHRAM: I said fine. I mean don’t you….I don’t care. Ok I don’t need to hear about your stupid boyfriend every other minute. I get it. Ok? I get it.

[Walks away, Amy is left looking hurt.]

{Commercial break}

[We open with Andy looking at Ephram as if he’s going to say something while Ephram grabs an apple and goes to the cupboard to get a cup. He goes to open the refrigerator..]

EPHRAM: What? What is it? Are you moving us to Zimbabwe or something? What?

ANDY: No no no, it’s nothing like that, I’m just thinking about something. It’s funny actually. Well it’s not so much funny “ha ha” is… you see… the thing is, I don’t know whether or not you’ve ever had sex.

EPHRAM: And you never will.

[Ephram walks out of room.]

ANDY: Ok then. Good talking to you.

DELIA (screams): My penguin hat!! DAD!!

[Andy gets up and goes into laundry room.]

ANDY: What’s wrong?

DELIA: Look at my hat.

ANDY: Looks clean to me.

DELIA: You did something wrong.

ANDY: I put it in the washing machine like you asked me to.

DELIA: And then…..

ANDY: Then…I put it in the dryer…..

DELIA: Now we’re getting somewhere.

ANDY: I shouldn’t have put it in the dryer?

DELIA: Mom always washed it in the dishwasher.

ANDY: Well you didn’t tell me that last night.

DELIA: I didn’t think it would come to this.

ANDY: Why don’t you just where one of your other hats?

DELIA: I can’t, this is the best one!

ANDY: Says who?

DELIA: Nevermind…I can make it fit. [Delia tries to put it on, but it pops off.]

[Phone rings.]

DELIA: Nevermind, I need a pop tart.

ANDY (on phone): Hello? Hello Dr. Abbott, finally taking me up on my carpooling offer? Sure. I can be there in 20 minutes. All right. [Hangs up.]

[At the city council/school board meeting.]

MAYOR ABBOTT: As Mayor, I now adjourn this city council meeting. We will now take a short recess to allow the school board to come into session. [Hits mallet. School board takes their seats.]

[Hits mallet again.]

MAYOR ABBOTT: School board is now in session.

[Dr. Brown and Dr. Abbott walk to podium.]

IRV: You’re lucky, the school board is a whole lot nicer than the city council.

MAYOR ABBOTT: Good afternoon doctors. I must admit I never thought I’d see the day where the two of you joined forces.

DR. ABBOTT: Dear, don’t start.

DR. BROWN: Dear? Are you two…

DR. ABBOTT: Wedded, yes.

DR. ABBOTT: Is there anyone in this community who is not related?

MAYOR ABBOTT: I understand we have a nasty little STD floating around County High. Is that right?

DR. BROWN: That’s right. And we’re here today to try and prevent anymore of it from spreading.

BOARD MEMBER: And how are you gonna do that? Are we talking vaccines?

DR. ABBOTT: There are no vaccines for gonorrhea.

DR. BROWN: Nor are there any for chlamydia, syphilis, or HIV. What we can do, is educate our children. Which is the best preventative medicine I know of.

DR. ABBOTT: I have prepared a memo which both advises parents as to the situation at hand and advises them to talk to their children.

MAYOR ABBOTT: I’ll call the Superintendent have him take a look at it.

DR. BROWN: But we don’t think that memo is enough.

DR. ABBOTT: We don’t?

DR. BROWN: No. We’d like you to talk to the Superintendent, and ask him to change the high school curriculum.

ANOTHER BOARD MEMBER: The program that we have is approved and paid for by the government of the United States.

DR. BROWN: Yes, I’m aware of the program, it teaches abstinence only. It’s antiquated, and it doesn’t provide nearly enough information.

BOARD MEMBER: What are you suggesting doctor? We hand out condoms in homeroom?

DR. BROWN: That would be a good start.

BOARD MEMBER: This is not New York City doctor, nor is it California.

DR. ABBOTT: What Dr. Brown means to say….

DR. BROWN: What I mean to say is that 1 in 10 kids will have sex before the age of 13. 1 in 4 of those kids will get a sexually transmitted disease. Like it or not, our children are having sex. Now we can either teach them how to be safe about it so they don’t die, or we can stay in our cocoons, wax poetic about the good’ol days and pretend it doesn’t happen.

BOARD MEMBER: Good, then I say we go on. What’s next?

DR. BROWN: Are you serious?

MAYOR ABBOTT: We don’t have the authority or the funding to change the current program Dr. Brown, I’m sorry.

DR. ABBOTT: That’s all right, we appreciate you takin…..

DR. BROWN: Well then don’t change it! In response to the epidemic, offer a privately funded assembly. Given by the two doctors of this community. We’ll teach them a few basic preventative measures and answer any questions they might have.

DR. ABBOTT: We?

MAYOR ABBOTT: An assembly, I like it.

DR. ABBOTT: WE?

MAYOR ABBOTT: The Super would have to approve, and the principal, and I’m sure they’d get you to separate the boys and girls.

DR. BROWN: That’s fine, I’ll take the girls, and your hubby here can take the boys.

DR. ABBOTT: Excuse me? Do I have any say in this?

MAYOR ABBOTT: And we’ll issue a memo, so that any parents that don’t want their kids to attend, they can keep them out of school.

DR. ABBOTT: Don’t humor me Rose.

[Mayor Abbott hits mallet.]

MAYOR ABBOT: Next docket?

DR. BROWN: Cool wife, she ever let you play with the mallet?

[Amy walking with Kayla in hallway.]

KAYLA: Did you see how Brett totally annihilated Beth Crowner yesterday? She tried to give him a pinecone…

[Amy and Ephram walk by in each other in slow motion, Amy looks back at him… Ephram keeps walking, slightly looks back but they don’t make eye contact.]

[Magilla and another boy are playing thumb wars in the playground and Delia walks up.]

MAGILLA AND BOY (together): 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war.

DELIA: Hi Magilla.

BOY: Stop, you’re not allowed to move your wrist.

MAGILLA: Shut up, I’m not.

DELIA: Can I play next?

MAGILLA: No way.

DELIA: Why not?

MAGILLA: I’m not playing with some stupid girl. This is the thumb war championship game.

DELIA: So?

MAGILLA: So you probably suck your thumb.

DELIA: I do not!

MEGILLA: Get lost penguin.

DELIA: I thought you liked penguins.

MAGILLA: I never said that. Take a hike!

BOY: Yeah, take a hike.

[Delia looks on, then leaves.]

MAGILLA: Yes I won!

[Cut to scene of Edna working under a car.]

EDNA: Hey.

IRV: Hey, I brought you a chicken parmesan, thought you might be hungry.

EDNA: Well watch it, now you’re spilling tomato sauce all over my drill bits!

IRV: I’ll just set it over here for you. Guess what?

EDNA: Hm?

IRV: Looks like they may not be tearing down the kissing bridge after all.

EDNA: And why wouldn’t they tear it down?

IRV: Because I went down to the city council meeting and asked them not to.

EDNA: Why in the world would you do a thing like that? Has your brain gone a-wall?

IRV: Now look here woman! I don’t know what you want from me….

EDNA: I don’t want anything. I can’t believe you, going to a city council meeting. Who do you think you are?

IRV: Your husband! And the last time I checked, it was well in a husband’s rights to try and cheer up his grouchy wife.

EDNA: In the first place, if I needed cheering up, I would rent Terminator like I always do. Second, I don’t give a damn about that old bridge!

IRV: You certainly acted like you cared the other day! And now you busted out your tool kit. I know something’s bugging you.

EDNA: You don’t know diddly squat!

[She gets up and leaves.]

IRV: Where you going now?

EDNA: To the video store!

[Cut to dinner at the Abbott’s.]

ROSE: Have you decided who you’re asking to the fall dance this year Amy?

[Bright laughs.]

AMY: It’s not funny jackass.

HAL: Amy, language.

BRIGHT: What is the big deal? It’s not like you were gonna ask him anyways.

AMY: That’s not the point Bright, and besides, you don’t know that for a fact.

BRIGHT: Oh, so you would have asked him? Well, you better thank me then, cuz I probably saved your entire reputation.

DR. ABBOTT: You would have asked who what? What are we talking about?

AMY: Nothing. I’m not asking anyone to the dance, ok? Let’s just change the subject.

ROSE: Sweetheart, Colin wouldn’t want you to sit alone and….

AMY: Can we just drop it please?

HAL: Well uh, I have an announcement to make. Due to your mother’s warped sense of humor, I’m going to be hosting a sex education assembly at your high school this week. I realize this may be a bit uncomfortable for the both of you, especially considering the highly sensitive subject matter, which is why I want to open it up to a family discussion. Any thoughts?

[Amy looks surprised, Bright looks disgusted and waves his fork.]

HAL: Amy?

AMY: Is this cuz Susie Clark got VD?

[Hal chokes on water. Rose goes to pat his back.]

ROSE: How do you know about Susie Clark?

AMY: Everybody knows.

BRIGHT: I didn’t know.

AMY: How could you not know? You dated her.

[Hal chokes more.]

BRIGHT: A billion years ago. That’s back when Francine was still in the picture.

HAL: Francine? Francine who?

ROSE: Francine Tompkins, she’s one of your patients.

[Hal chokes again.]

ROSE: The one with the tattoo.

AMY: Anyways, what’s the big deal about gonorrhea? Completely curable. Unlike The Herp, that never goes away, right Dad?

ROSE: I think your father will be covering all this at the assembly. Now, would anyone like dessert?

[Cut to the Brown’s house, Andy is taking out dinner from the oven, Delia and Ephram are sitting at the table.]

ANDY: I had no idea this would bother you so much.

EPHRAM: Well now you know. So now you can go back to the school board and tell them you changed your mind.

DELIA: This bread is hurting in my teeth.

ANDY: I can’t do that Ephram, besides your mom used to go to all the PTA meetings, and she was a member of the school board, you never minded that.

EPHRAM: Mom used to make banana bread for the bake sales, she didn’t front line any of my sex assemblies.

ANDY: Well you’ve seen my cooking, I can’t do bake sales!

EPHRAM: I’m serious.

ANDY: Ephram, what is it you want from me?

EPHRAM: I want you not to do this. If you do it’s gonna make my life more unbearable than it already is. Which is like, not even humanly possible.

ANDY: Well if it’s not even humanly possible for your life to get any worse, then what’s the problem?

DELIA: Yeah, what’s the problem?

EPHRAM: Shut up.

ANDY: Look, Ephram, I think you’re being just a little bit melodramatic, it’s not like I’m trying to ruin your life.

EPHRAM: You don’t have to try, you do it pretty naturally.

ANDY: What is it that I’m doing that is so terrible?

EPHRAM: Everyone in school is gonna go around saying how Doctor Brown is a big sex expert, and how his loser son can’t even get a date to the stupid dance.

ANDY: What dance? What are you talking about?

EPHRAM: Forget it.

ANDY: Is that the reason you don’t want me to come to your school? Because you want to go to a dance? I’m confused.

EPHRAM: Why do I even need a reason? Why can’t you just be a father instead of a doctor for once?

ANDY: Ephram, when I was in neurosurgery I could never help people before they got sick, I couldn’t prevent their sickness. I can do that now.

EPHRAM: So if you miss this assembly, kids all over town are gonna drop dead from having unsafe sex? Well it’s a good thing you’re there for them Doctor Brown. Maybe one day I’ll know what it’s like for you to be here for me.

[Ephram leaves table.]

{Commercial break}

[Opening scene at the high school. Ephram is locking his bike to the bike rack.]

EPHRAM: Hey.

AMY: Are we back to greeting each other?

EPHRAM: I am, if you are.

AMY: I was never mad at you Ephram.

EPHRAM: Well you should’ve been. I said some pretty stupid things the other day. I’m sorry.

AMY: Why don’t we stop with the back and forth apologies, and just assume we’re both like, sorry forever.

EPHRAM: Yeah, ok, deal.

[They walk outside.]

AMY: Can you believe our dads are coming to school today? Must be the end of the world or something.

EPHRAM: I know. It’s bad enough I have to see him every morning and night. Afternoons are kinda like time off you know?

AMY: I know what you mean. I kinda hate both my parents these days.

EPHRAM: Really? You seem like such a well adjusted family unit.

AMY: Sure…my father is OCD, my brother is ADD, and my mother is just plain crazy.

EPHRAM: Haha, and what are you?

AMY: I’m tired. And this dance is just making me feel worse. My mom keeps bugging me about, it’s like no one understands why this is hard for me. I just wanted to ask him, you know? Like last year. I just wanna feel normal again, for one second. Instead of how I feel now.

EPHRAM: If that’s what you want to do, then you should do it.

AMY: What are you talking about?

EPHRAM: Ask Colin to the dance. He’s three hours away from here, four by bus, if we want to make it back by dinner we’re going to have to leave now.

AMY: Ephram….

EPHRAM: I’m serious, Amy, I would give anything to be able to talk to my mom again. It wouldn’t matter to me if she could answer, I’d just be happy to see her.

[Cut to Dr. Brown’s office, Edna is on the phone.]

EDNA: Because he’s not gonna be here this afternoon that’s why! So you can either reschedule, or you can keep your appointment and let me treat you. I’d be happy to shove a tongue depressor right up your….

DR. BROWN: Edna…

EDNA: Oh, I’ll call you back Pearl. [Hangs up phone.]

DR. BROWN: Is there something you’d like to talk to me about?

EDNA: Nope, why?

DR. BROWN: Because you’re scaring the sick people away and we don’t charge.

EDNA: Doc, I think I’m depressed.

DR. BROWN: I didn’t think you got depressed.

EDNA: Well, the cat’s out of the bag. Apparently I got feelings. It’s got to do with my first husband, Hal Sr., I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately.

DR. BROWN: Any particular reason why?

EDNA: The particulars aren’t important, I just know I want to stop thinking about him, now how do I do that?

DR. BROWN: It depends, how do you normally deal with grief?

EDNA: I served two tours in Nam!

DR. BROWN: Denial then?

EDNA: Pretty much. So what to you do?

DR. BROWN: Let’s see, I uproot my family, move them to the middle of nowhere, and open up a free clinic. But hey, that’s just me.

EDNA: Husbands aren’t as easy to wrangle as kids for one thing they’re heavier.

DR. BROWN: What does Irv think of all this?

EDNA: I haven’t, exactly, told him.

DR. BROWN: Well I think that’s your first step. Well, I hate to dispense advice and run, but I’m late for school! So hand me some condoms and wish me luck!

[We cut to a scene in the playground, Delia is sitting at a table, and Magilla walks to the table and faces the other way.]

MAGILLA: My mom said you can come over tomorrow after school of you want.

[Delia looks around, confused at who he’s talking to.]

MAGILLA: Are your ears broken or something?

DELIA: I thought you didn’t like me.

MAGILLA: Don’t be dumb, I talk to you don’t I? So do you want to come over or not?

DELIA: I guess so.

[Magilla smiles and leaves the table.]

[Cut to school parking lot, Dr. Abbott pulls up next to Dr. Brown and they both get out of their cars. Dr. Abbott goes to his trunk and pulls up posters.]

DR. BROWN: You brought visual aids?

DR. ABBOTT: Naturally, didn’t you?

DR. BROWN: I brought, condoms.

DR. ABBOTT: Good luck doctor.

DR. BROWN: Now don’t forget, when you go over the symptoms of gonorrhea, talk slowly, there’s at least one kid in your assembly who has it.

DR. ABBOTT: (Coughs) Right.

[Dr. Abbott enters rooms with posters and things. Bright looks embarrassed.]

DR. ABBOTT: Hello, my name is Dr. Harold Abbott. Uh, let’s uh, start out with some basics. (Holds up poster of female anatomy.) [Laughs and whistling.] You know my presence here today is in no way….

[Cut to Amy in hospital room, while Ephram waits outside. She tells him about some of the kids and how they have changed.]

AMY: Kim Ironhorn asked David Lee, which no one ever thought she’s have the nerve to do, I swear, ever since she got her braces off, she’s like a totally different person. And he said “yes”, which was so cool. Oh, and the decorating committee is going all out this year, Allie’s mom wants to turn the gym into a magical forest. I know it sounds bizarre, but Allie said her mom is practically a profession at that stuff, so, it should look amazing. I guess now the only thing left missing is you and me. Which is why I’m here. I know it’s last minute and everything, but [she pulls out the plant] would you go to the dance with me? Say yes anytime Colin. Just open your eyes and say yes. Open your eyes Colin, please.

[Ephram looks on.]

[Andy and Delia walk into the kitchen. Andy brings the groceries to the counter and Delia sits down.]

ANDY: The question and answer session went great, I have no idea who Dr. Drew is, but apparently, I kick his butt.

DELIA: That’s great Dad.

ANDY: You seem upset kiddo. [He sits down.] Something wrong?

DELIA: It’s Magilla.

ANDY: The bully? Is he bothering you again?

DELIA: Not exactly….you see, when it’s just me and him, he’s nice to me, but when other people are around, he says I’m diseased.

ANDY: So, you like him?

DELIA: I sit behind him in Ms. Violet’s class. And sometimes, I just want to put my hands on his shoulders.

ANDY: Um. Maybe we should see if Nina’s home.

DELIA: I don’t understand. Why doesn’t he want anyone to know that he invited me over? I want to tell the whole world.

ANDY: Well you know honey, boys and girls, are, are very different. Not just how they look on the outside, but how they work things out on the inside. For instance, when you want to be friends with a boy, you might want to, bake him cookies.

DELIA: Touch his shoulders?

ANDY: Right. Ok, but if a boy want to be friends with you, he might punch you…..as a sign of friendship.

DELIA: Really? Cuz he did flick my cap.

ANDY: He did?

[Phone rings.]

ANDY: Hello? He wasn’t? All of his classes? No, no I haven’t….Ephram? Ephram?! Well, thank you, yes, no I appreciate the call. Oh I’ll be sure to talk to him. Thank you.

[Hangs up.]

ANDY (says to himself): If he ever comes home…

[Shot of cafe, Amy and Ephram are inside. Amy is scarfing down what looks to be bread or something.]

EPHRAM: Take it easy! You don’t have to inhale it.

AMY: I’m so starved I had no idea. [Finishes up and moves plate.] Thank you for coming with me Ephram.

EPHRAM: It’s cool, I was pretty hungry too.

AMY: No, I mean, for coming all the way out here to Denver and the hospital and everything. It means a lot to me.

EPHRAM: Yeah well, I didn’t really want to be in school today, well with my dad being porn king.

AMY: Was it this bad in New York?

EPHRAM: You mean was I this big a geek back home?

AMY: I didn’t mean it like that.

EPHRAM: I, it’s ok. I almost went to one dance at my old school, the winter semi-formal. I asked Catherine Adams to go. She wasn’t the most popular girl in school, but she was the prettiest. She had this whole punk, Gwen Stefani look going on, which most girls in high school can’t pull off, but she did. Anyway, my friends dared me to ask her, I did, and she actually said yes. Which is like, total shock. The day of the dance, Catherine calls, she’s sick, she can’t go. Now of course, I can’t tell my mom this cuz, she’s so excited for me, and I don’t want her to know what a loser her son is. So I get all dressed up in my suit, grab the corsage, and leave like I’m gonna go pick up Catherine. Except of course, I don’t, instead I go see “Rush Hour 2”, which is a pretty decent movie.

AMY: I take it Catherine wasn’t really sick?

EPHRAM: Turn out she was, she had mono and was out the whole rest of the semester.

AMY: See you weren’t geeky at all. Gwen Stefani was gonna take you. [Looks at clock on wall.] Is that the right time? We missed our bus!

EPHRAM: Yeah, we’ll catch the next one.

AMY: There is no next one.

EPHAM: Well that could be a problem.

[Cut to Andy at home pacing around worry about Ephram.]

ANDY: Do you think I should call the police? Or is that crazy? It’s too soon to call the police don’t you think? How could he get lost? And why wasn’t he at school? He get lost on his way to school?

DELIA: Dad! You gotta get a grip!

[Knocking at the door.]

ANDY: Wait here Delia.

[Opens door.]

HAL: Wondering where you little hoodlum is?

ANDY: You know where Ephram is?

HAL: Grab your coat, we’re going to Denver.

{Commercial break}

ANDY: I wouldn’t have pegged you for a vanilla guy. Lemon maybe…

HAL: It’s my wife’s car.

ANDY: Ah, that explains the “My Best Friend’s Wedding” CD.

HAL: The CD is mine, I collect soundtracks. Don’t, don’t sing.

ANDY: You know I was thinking, we should ask the infected girls to offer a list of recent sexual partners so we can cross reference them.

HAL: Why?

ANDY: Because I don’t think the seminar is going to be enough. We should at least take a stab at figuring out who patient zero is.

HAL: I agree, however now that the students are better informed, perhaps the infected teenager will come forward willingly, we should give them a day or so to do the right thing.

ANDY: Yeah, you’re probably right. (Pause) So what are you gonna say to Amy?

HAL: I’m going to ground her obviously.

ANDY: Really? Ground her?

HAL: Aren’t you going to ground Ephram?

ANDY: Hadn’t thought about it yet, I’m just so relieved that he’s all right.

HAL: Oh for god sakes don’t tell him that! If they knew we were concerned they’d eat is alive! Teenagers, they, they can smell weakness, they’re like dogs.

ANDY: I’m not gonna hide anything from Ephram, we’re trying to build a relationship based on honesty and trust.

HAL: Really? How’s that working out?

ANDY: Well, it just takes time that’s all. We’ll get there.

HAL: Listen, I know you want to be your son’s friend, but doesn’t need a friend right now, he needs a parent.

ANDY: How do you know what he wants?

HAL: He’s 15, he’s testing you. You are failing the test.

ANDY: What am I supposed to do?

HAL: He cut class, you punish him, take away his phone privileges, don’t allow him to..pierce anything, for the next 6 months. Do something, be his father.

[Cut to restaurant.]

AMY: My dad is going to kill me.

EPHRAM: I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him why you went.

AMY: That’s not the way it works at my house.

EPHRAM: How does it work?

AMY: He yells, I apologize, there’s a sentencing of some sort, and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced.

EPHRAM: In my house it’s more like, I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually someone gets tired.

AMY: Sounds good to me.

[Hal and Andy walk through the door.]

HAL: Amy…

AMY: Dad I….. [they hug.]

EPHRAM (to Andy): I’ll be in the car.

HAL: Amy why didn’t you call earlier?

AMY: I’m so sorry I worried you dad.

HAL: As long as you’re all right that’s all that matters.

[Andy walks out of the restaurant.]

[Shot of another diner. Irv is drinking something when Edna comes in.]

EDNA: You avoiding me?

IRV: Maybe.

EDNA: You were right about that bridge. I do have feelings about it. The truth is, I was proposed to on that bridge, and not by you.

IRV: I see.

EDNA: The whole thing just pissed me off. I thought I’d dealt with that stuff a long time ago, and now I’m thinking maybe I didn’t. Because, this whole past week, I’ve been missing him Irv. And maybe I should have told you from the get-go, but I didn’t. But it just didn’t feel right.

HAL: Well, why not?

EDNA: Because you’re not supposed to make me feel better about missing the husband I had before you. That’s just bass-ackwards.

HAL: Edna, I love you. You wouldn’t be you without Hal Sr., and you wouldn’t even be you without that nutter-butter son of yours who I happen to know means the world to you. I don’t need you to pretend that you didn’t have a life before me. I just need to be able to put my arms around you when you’re sad. Even if you are sad about someone else.

EDNA: I guess you can do that.

IRV: Ok. I guess I will then.

[They kiss.]

[Cut to scene with Hal and Bright at the table. Bright is eating breakfast.]

HAL: Is there anything you want to talk to me about?

BRIGHT: I’m so sorry dad. It’s just a scratched bumper, and it’s not even my fault, I’m pulling out of the space, and this lady comes flying in……

HAL: No, no let me put it another way. Is there anything you need to be tested for medically?

BRIGHT: Can I get something from a scratched bumper?

HAL: Concerning the STD at your school.

BRIGHT: All right, Dad I’m gonna let you in on something that may blow your mind. You think you can handle it?

HAL: I doubt it, but try me.

BRIGHT: Ok, you remember Elka, from the “Real World” the Boston one?

HAL: I, I must have missed Boston.

BRIGHT: Well, Elka was supremely hot. But she never sealed the deal with her boyfriend because she had all these like religious beliefs.

HAL: Uh huh.

BRIGHT: Well, I’m kinda like Elka, in that I’m very attractive, but I haven’t like “done anything.” You know?

HAL: Oh.

BRIGHT: But see my reasons has less to do with religion and more to do with the fact that my girlfriends won’t. Which is why I’m so done with freshmen.

HAL: Ah.

BRIGHT: Anyway, I didn’t want you worrying about me anymore. But, if you could keep this info between us.

HAL: Well son, this is the best talk we’ve ever had. (Pause) You scratched the bumper?

[Bright leaves the table.]

[Magilla and Delia are playing video games at his house.]

MAGILLA: Ahh, I’m bored. I beat you like 7,000 times on this game.

DELIA: Yeah I know, it’s not much fun for me either.

MAGILLA: Wanna play something better?

DELIA: Ok.

[Magilla walks to the closet and opens the door, which reveals an old chest.]

MAGILLA: Help me push it out.

[They drag the chest out, and he opens it. Delia looks amazed.]

DELIA: Which one do I get?

MAGILLA: I’ll pick one for you.

[He gives her the doll and she smiles.]

[Cut to scene of Andy in the living room watching the fire. Ephram comes in.]

EPHRAM: I’m sorry I worried you last night.

ANDY: What makes you think I was worried? Ok, I was worried.

EPHRAM: Well, I’m sorry. Call you next time.

ANDY: There won’t be a next time, you’re grounded for the next two weeks, that means no TV, no phone, no going out.

EPHRAM: Is that all?

ANDY: If I ever hear that you cut class again it’ll be for a month understood?

EPHRAM: Yeah, understood.

ANDY: Good. So, you missed the assembly.

EPHRAM: Look, I already know about safe sex. Mom covered it with me.

ANDY: Maybe she did, but I haven’t.

[Andy points to the chair and Ephram sits down.]

ANDY: When I was first working in New York, I had to perform a Lumbar puncture, it’s based on the spinal tap on this kid who’d been brought in. Couldn’t have been more than 17 years old, good looking, clean cut, well to do family. His name was Alfie, I remember that because it was so unusual. Anyway I did the LP, assessed that there was no meningitis, and went about my rounds. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Alfie all night. I found out later that the doctors were performing all sorts of tests. A couple days later I went back to Alfie’s room just to check him out, thinking maybe I could figure out what he had. By Alfie was already dead, 17 years old. 6 months, and thousands of doctors later, his sickness finally got a name.

EPHRAM: AIDS.

ANDY: I needed you to know why I had to come to your school Ephram. I needed you to hear that story because I want you always to be careful. I can’t afford to lose another person I love.

EPHRAM: Why didn’t you tell me that before?

ANDY: I have no idea how to get you attention Ephram.

EPHRAM: What’s that supposed to mean?

ANDY: It means, I don’t know what to say to you. One day, you seem to hate me, the next day you still hate me, and other days, you just hate me. I mean, that’s not a lot to work with. So if you could maybe let me know when I do say the right thing, I’ll make a note of it and I’ll do it more often ok?

EPHRAM: Yeah, sure, I mean, yeah I could maybe do that.

ANDY: Great, thanks. You’re still grounded.

EPHRAM: I know.

[Hal and Edna are walking through trees.]

HAL: Did I mention I had only 3 hours of sleep last night?

EDNA: About 100 times now! I swear you yammer on like an old woman! Besides, we’re almost there.

HAL: Almost where? We’re in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn’t know you better mother, I would think you brought me out here to knock me off…..on second thought…..

EDNA: Com’on! You see that?

HAL: The Kissing Bridge, yes, of course I see it, why in the world…..?

EDNA: Your Pops and I shared our first kiss on that bridge, he proposed to me on that bridge, and the day I found out I was pregnant with you, I took him down here and told him. I know you think I got on with things to quick after he was gone, I probably did. But your father’s death Harold, is what made me realize more than ever, just how valuable our one shot at life is and I didn’t want to miss a second more of it. Anyway, I loved him very much. I wanted you to know that.

[Takes detonator from trees and turns the handle. The bridge is blasted and it falls into shambles.]

HAL: Mother! What in the Hell are you doing?

EDNA: Grieving.

NARRATOR: That evening was the last time anyone ever saw the Kissing Bridge in its full glory. And even though Everwood’s symbol of innocence is no longer with it, people still tell its story to their children, and their grandchildren. Only now when they do, the ending is a lot more exciting.

[THE END]